Nothing about me oozes powerful or legendary but I consider myself an important individual. When I step out of bed and sit on the edge of my bed I believe there is something out there waiting for me. Something out there is calling me and even though right now I have no idea what it is, I know that I must follow it.
I’m a sucker for a lot of things especially love. Love is something everyone in their life hopes to stumble across, the hardest of hard the coldest of cold. Love is universal, it unites and it can sometimes destroy depending on its use. I don’t know much about love but all I know is that I don’t want to be alone. Love keeps the coldest hearts warm and the lonely hearts smiling. Love for me is something so sacred and beautiful that its meaning baffles me. To love is to express a feeling so great in a way it hurts, it’s a feeling that has you feeling almost light, maybe you could even fly. Love to me is more than what media or scriptures may philosophize, its meaning has no letters, it has no voice, it’s a power that is invisible, but can be seen with the heart. Love has kept my grandmother alive, without love my grandmother would be a long memory, traveling through my mind, deep in the soils of my memory. Love has kept my spirit alive, even though life experience can sometimes tarnish you’re confidence and spirit, love rebuilds and molds you’re spirit into something even more beautiful, even more strong.
Love is something I have difficulty putting into words because it rises many different emotions out of me. It tickles my skin and whispers against my lips, it runs down my legs and traps my feet, making them become numb, not being able to run away. Its ability is so powerful , it makes me become weak, weak enough to let worldly issues go. It makes me weak enough to not care about what people are thinking, nothing is seen anymore, the feeling glows against my skin, its opening up door, I thought I locked and sealed. Many times I thought I loved someone and I’ve hurt them in a way unimaginable and my selfish nature couldn’t quite understand why conflicts occurred. I’ve grown so much from the early years of me just entering high school, I was so naA?ve but so upset with the world. I blamed everyone for my problems without really realizing it myself, without really realizing that I was the cause of my unhappiness. Now that I’m older and a little bit more conscious of my choices I see love in a different light, not love full of jealousy or anger but a love that is full of truth..
A love that opens up your horizons and gives you a feeling of content. My mother always told me you know when someone cares about you, it’s not something that involves science or mathematics, you’ll know it. I never understood what she meant until now that my senior high school career is ending. I’ve had many perceptions of what I thought was love and even though now I look back and laugh, it still warms my heart. I now look at myself and I know its time for me to let go of the past and look forward. I will look forward with optimistic views and even if the rain may come pouring down on certain days, I know that I am stronger than that and that the love that I claim so deeply will keep me going.
In the end, everything has a cause and effect. Growth is a process that takes place either if we like it or not, its not a choice but a way of life. Growth starts within and is shown through our daily actions and choices. I chose my path and even though I still have the chance to make a u-turn and correct myself, Iaˆ?m still beating myself up for it. I think our worst enemy is ourselves because obviously our choices can not only shake up our surroundings but systematically destroy ourselves. It’s the saddest thing to know you’ve hurt people in you’re life that were not only rooting for you but also putting up with you’re choices. Regret is a loose word to use on my behalf because regret is loosely used. I feel a ache in my heart that eats at me continuously everyday. I can only laugh and cry because life’s too funny and the pain is unbearable. Many times I lost faith with god because I couldn’t understand why he was making my life so difficult but actually my own choices was destroying myself. My remorse cannot really change the fact that I’ve hurt people around me, it doesn’t really take anything back, it just shows growth. When a chapter ends, a new one begins, so I either start myself a clean slate or continue to dwell. My actions weren’t spontaneous, deep down I know exactly what was the price of my actions. I am either going to run everyone off or find a resolution. My resolution begins now and even though the people who were once around has left and went different ways, I live with myself so the change is for myself not for anyone else. My time is now and the best way to prove to yourself and everyone else is the power of strength and humility. As I walk into the world, I hope they find the place in their hearts to forgive me and realize with great remorse I’ve understood my wrongdoings.